Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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