Where is the hickey?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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