how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
