I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
