Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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