You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
