evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
