Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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