You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
