yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
