guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
