Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
