maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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