dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
