like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
