i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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