i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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