I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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