Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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