Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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