sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
