is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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