Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
