this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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