I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
