so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
