Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
