she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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