I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
