if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
