I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
