i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
