An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
