Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
