Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
