Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
