i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
