I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
