In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
