I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
