It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
