So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I just sharted jello shots
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