Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
