Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
