I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
