i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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