I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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