I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
