So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
