May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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