Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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