Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
