Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
