Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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