I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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