I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
