what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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